English
Guts or Balls? We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
How the Adarvo policies got established ;-) Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to
climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the
other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are
doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However,
he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This
includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing
it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt
to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
And that's how any company's policies get established.
Hu is the new leader of China.doc (30 KB)
Linux Tech Call Liquid Viagra Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
Moore's Law of MeatDue to rapid advances in food science, the am... Moore's Law of Meat
Due to rapid advances in food science, the amount of valuable meat that is required to build a fully-functioning hamburger has been declining drastically in the past several decades. Accorging to McDonald's co-founder Gordon E Moore, the total meat content of a marketable hamburger should continue to follow an exponentially-declining curve for many years to come. As of 2005, the meat layer need be no thicker than 90 nanometers. Restaurant technicians have projected that 60 nm meat thickness is now technologically feasible, and should be out on the market by the end of the year.The Scary Uncertain Future
Of course, when hamburger meat eventually reaches the thickness of a single electron, the dreaded laws of quantum cheddardynamics must be taken into account somehow. Popular pessimistic prognosticators have been predicting that hamburger technology must hit an impassable wall at this point; only time will tell. One puzzled French student asked , "What gender is computer?" ("la computer")or ("le computer").
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The Women won!
Quantas pilots and mechanics - what can we learn for Adarvo? After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe
sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problems
encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct each
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the
form what remedial action was taken. The pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual logged maintenance problems as submitted by
Qantas pilots and the responses recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident.
PROBLEM: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except "auto-land" very rough.
RESPONSE: "Auto-land" not installed on this aircraft.
PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.
PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.
RESPONSE: Live bugs on back-order.
PROBLEM: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.
PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.
RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.
PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
RESPONSE: That's what they're there for.
PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.
RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windshield.
RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.
PROBLEM: Number 3 engine missing.
RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.
RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
PROBLEM: Target radar hums.
RESPONSE: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
PROBLEM: Mouse in cockpit.
RESPONSE::Cat installed.
Republican or Democrat? I was traveling down the road the other day south of Benton when a tire blew out.
Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat.
My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, 'Need a lift?'
'Yes, I sure do,' I replied.
'You a Republican or Democrat,' asked the old man.
'Republican,' I replied.
'Well, you can just go to Hell,' yelled the old man as he sped off.
Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.
Again, I gave the same answer, 'Republican.'
The driver gave me the finger and drove off.
I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.
The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.
She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.
'Democrat!', I shouted.
'Hop in!', replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, I yelled, 'Please stop the car.'
She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.
'What's the matter?', she asked.
'I can't take it anymore,' I replied. 'I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody.'
Russian Humor It was very funny to read for me :)
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