Funny

So hat der Streit angefangen……

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:24:03 UTC

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Im Supermarkt fragte ich meine Frau, ob wir ‚nen Kasten Bier für € 15
kaufen sollten.
Sie sagte nein, und ohne mich zu fragen, kaufte sie eine Tagescreme für € 65.
Ich sagte ihr, dass der Kasten Bier mehr helfen würde, sie schön zu
finden als die Creme.

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Vor einigen Tagen habe ich meine Frau gefragt, wo wir an unserem
Hochzeitstag hingehen sollen.
Sie sagte: "Irgendwo, wo ich seit langem nicht mehr gewesen bin."
Ich schlug ihr die Küche vor.

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Meine Frau setzte sich zu mir auf die Couch, während ich in die Glotze schaute.
Sie fragte: "Was ist auf dem Fernseher"?
"Staub", sagte ich.

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Meine Frau gab mir einen Tipp, was sie sich zum Geburtstag wünsche.
Sie sagte: "Etwas Rotes, und es muss von 0 auf 130 in 3 Sekunden."
Ich kaufte für sie eine Waage.

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Meine Frau schaute sich im Spiegel an, und war unzufrieden mit dem,
was sie sah: "Ich fühle mich schrecklich; ich finde mich alt, dick und
hässlich. Ich brauche jetzt wirklich, dass du mir sofort ein
Kompliment machst!" Ich sagte: "Deine Augen funktionieren noch
prima."

So hat der Streit angefangen……
Meine Frau und ich waren auf einem Klassentreffen ihrer Schule. Einer
der anwesenden Männer war betrunken und nahm ein Glas nach dem
anderen. Ich fragte meine Frau, ob sie ihn kennt.
"Klar", sagte sie, "wir waren lange zusammen und als wir
auseinandergingen, hat er angefangen zu trinken, und hat seitdem nicht
mehr aufgehört."
Ich sagte: "Wer hätte gedacht, dass er so lange feiern würde."

Mäuschen

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:17:21 UTC

Ein Ehepaar abends vor dem Fernseher schaut sich eine Tiersendung an. Sie: "Schatz, findest du auch, dass Nagetiere dumm und gefräßig sind?" Er: "Ja, mein Mäuschen."

Nüsse

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:16:59 UTC

Jeden Tag fährt die ältere Dame mit dem Bus und stellt dem Fahrer beim Aussteigen ein kleines Tütchen Nüsse hin. Der bedankt sich jedesmal, doch eines Tages spricht er die Frau an: "Vielen Dank für die Nüsse, schmecken auch ganz toll, aber wie komme ich zu der Ehre?" "Ach wissen Sie, junger Mann, die können Sie gerne haben. Ich esse nämlich so gerne Ferrero Küsschen, nur die Nüsse mag ich nicht."

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Londo...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 08:23:53 UTC

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne, Australia.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.'

The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, 'Me too. I didn't realize we had a choice.

They walk among us.pdf

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 06:29:16 UTC

Best Short Joke

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:25:55 UTC

An elderly couple was attending church services. About half way through, she leans over and says to her husband. "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid.".

Liquid Viagra

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 16:34:30 UTC

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Republican or Democrat?

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:31:00 UTC

I was traveling down the road the other day south of Benton when a tire blew out.

Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat.

My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, 'Need a lift?'
'Yes, I sure do,' I replied.
'You a Republican or Democrat,' asked the old man.
'Republican,' I replied.
'Well, you can just go to Hell,' yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.
Again, I gave the same answer, 'Republican.'
The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.

The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.
She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.
'Democrat!', I shouted.
'Hop in!', replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, I yelled, 'Please stop the car.'

She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.
'What's the matter?', she asked.
'I can't take it anymore,' I replied. 'I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody.'

Guts or Balls?

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:29:35 UTC

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

An old Italian Mafia Don ....

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:15:43 UTC

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his grandson to approach the bed;
"Lissin a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver so you will always remember me."

The grandson smiles weakly and replies; "But grandpa, I really doan a lika guns. Howzabout you leava me you ROLEX watch instead?"

Gasping for air the old man answers with a snarl in his voice; "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a bigga home and maybea a couple of bambinos."

After a slight pause to catch his breath he continues; "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then ... pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?"

Why Sentence structure is so important...

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 20:02:46 UTC

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two People, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit "

Stilblüten Aufsätze.PDF

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 15:36:28 UTC

Warning.jpg

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:50:09 UTC

Rechnung Pauliskirche

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:53:05 UTC

International symbol of marriage.jpg

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 14:52:43 UTC